spryite | ic inbox/contact

ic inbox/contact

ID: Jude Mathis journal text (handwriting sample) | action

[...He has a weird feeling about this.

Jude is no mind reader. If anything, he HIMSELF is the one too easily read, always wearing his heart on his sleeve and having his feelings written all over his face. The only reason why he CAN generally identify Leia's emotions correctly is precisely because they're childhood friends: they've known each other for the grand majority of their cognizant years, and if you go through the same motions enough times, then you naturally come to know how it works after many, many repetitions. Practice makes perfect, right? That sure applied to more than just academics, for better or worse.

...But being able to predict her reactions doesn't necessarily elucidate him to her thought process of how she gets from point A to point B, a chief factor in how so many years have managed to fly by between them while their relationship had maintained a staunch and lasting status quo. They were both responsible for it, no matter what they would like to claim: Jude and his quasi-nonexistent social skills (read: inability to get a clue), and Leia with her... unorthodox way of expressing her feelings. That he shipped himself off to the capital for school and vanished from her life didn't help, grinding everything to a halt for two years, and when they finally reunited...

A lot of stuff sure happened in hindsight, huh? They somehow ended up saving the world twice together, grew up to be better adults ~~(citation needed)~~ through aforementioned perilous adventures, and now she's making an expression he... does NOT think he's ever seen her make, before? Or at least, while he can think of similarities, there's nothing he can recall that makes him go "ah, this is just like that time". That in itself is a bit sobering, as much as it is a good sign that he IS learning.

He just knows it's Important, and he needs to Tread Carefully. Jude wouldn't have made it this far without some semblance of danger sense, after all.]

Marui Bunta, your friend who showed me dreamotion firsthand?

[He helpfully fills out her stammering, brows furrowing slightly in turn. A fight? ...No, it's not anything bad, that he's sure. Leia would be the first in line to kick the ass of anyone who tries wronging her, much less trying to bully her. Besides, he's passed by and spoken to Marui on occasion since, and the other teen had been nothing but energetic, upbeat, and friendly. A bit too much of it all if Jude's to be completely honest, but those selfsame qualities made it easy to see how he could become a good friend to Leia who's also active and outgoing. He thanked him for "looking after" Leia when he was SURE she was out of earshot, this is something that she absolutely has no need to ever find out about but he totally was obligated to do. Marui is a friend who was there for Leia when Jude couldn't, after all. It's a perfectly legitimate reason, right?

...Wow. Must be really something, if it's serious enough to stop her from chugging down her hot chocolate. He put extra effort in making it too, and she's just holding the mug watching it cool...

...]

[It is, in fact, something. And so much of something that Leia suddenly fails to find the words she needs. Which is quite the feat considering she almost always has far too many words (and emoticons) to express herself. But here, now, nothing is coming out. Her face is warm and noticeably pink, and her eye contact with Jude is non-existent. Her heart is hammering in her chest like she's run a marathon and, worse yet, staring into the chocolatey abyss of her mug isn't making her any less anxious.

She could never bring herself to tell Jude how she felt about him, but now she's trying to tell her former crush that she's not so single anymore. And she doesn't know why this is so difficult. She spent days rehearsing this exact moment, saying it out loud, in her head, while looking in a mirror, and didn't stammer and struggle nearly as much as she is now. But for some reason, this is probably one of the most difficult things she's ever had to tell him. Her mind is a whirlwind of thoughts- is it weird telling your oblivious former crush about your new crush? Is it weird that she's having so much trouble mentioning it? Is it weird that she managed to move on? Is it weird that she's only known Marui for a few months? What's Jude going to think? It's like suddenly things that shouldn't matter or cause concern... matter.

It's just nerves. As much as Leia would like to boast about how grown up she is, she's still just an awkward teenager in love (love is a strong word). And her unique way of expressing her affections is proof enough that such feelings and any romantic situation are still foreign to her. Truth be told, she's not entirely used to it, though it has only been about a week and a half since they both confessed and it's hardly what she imagined being in a relationship would be like.

Which isn't a bad thing. And she's certainly adapted to it quite well. Just that speaking of it is an entirely different matter.

Her gaze darts from the floor to her cocoa, and she awkwardly rubs her thumb along the rim of the mug after Jude manages to decipher her stammering. All her practiced lines from the past few days seemingly leave her head, and instead she just chooses to correct his wording.]

Uh, y-yeah... But he's kinda more than my friend now...

[Will Jude even understand what she's hinting at?]

[She's being awfully meek and flustered to an almost concerning degree, that he almost opened his own mouth to tell her she can simply take her time and write to him if that may make it easier to get whatever she's got out. Leia is his childhood friend whose well-being is naturally very important to him, and putting her in an awkward spot is the last thing he'd want to do. She ends up beating him to it in saying something first, as she ~~always~~ often did, thus he just ends up staring some more at her instead.

More than a friend? Like a partner? His thoughts briefly jump to 'collaborator' as in someone you get together with for an important joint project, but that one is ~~thankfully~~ quickly discarded once he is reminded again that this is about Leia. Brusque and emotional, feel over think Leia. There's no way she'd act so out of sorts over something professional, that's the kind of distinction only Jude would make. Besides, if she was starting a project with Marui, something tells Jude that he would've probably already been roped in to helping along. Leia never shies away from dragging him into things, no such thing as asking politely like a normal person.

...Right. The reason Leia is acting like this has to be because this is something very emotional for her. Something new she doesn't know how to handle or express. --Oh, is this maybe why she's trying to tell him? To ask his help dealing with whatever this is? But then the logical part of his brain is reminding the rest of him that she doesn't like having him meddling in her business either, so if that was really the case, then there must be some amazingly unusual outside factor in play. So put the "asking for help" theory back down, too much speculation and history of unlikeliness to put stock in it. Going back to the hard facts, Jude knows this doesn't involve himself, at least not directly, since Leia already confirmed with her own words that it's really about Marui. But if it's between her and Marui, then why drag in Jude? The most plausible possibility is keeping him posted about what she's up to and how she's doing, the very same thing she just yelled at him about.

...

More than friend. "Kinda" more than her friend, she says.

......]

[Geh. Wouldn't it be easier to just ask her straight out what she means? It'd avoid misunderstanding, even though judging by their past track record, Leia is likely to just get mad that Jude failed to read her mind once again. But they were kids when she used to do that every time, so it is truly foolish of him to hope her answer would be different today, now that they're both young adults? He already got yelled ~~and beaten up~~ by her countless times before, what difference is one more time is going to make anyway?

...Though they do say in science that it IS stupid to keep doing the same thing over and over again hoping for a different result, not without there at least being SOME change in the parameters involved. Which... technically, there is; they're both more mature now, right? Then...]

[--No. If he does that, it would also put the pressure back on her, and it's clear that she's already struggling heavily with this. He shouldn't make this harder than it already is for her, so that's actually something he definitely should NOT ask. Seriously; what the HECK gets Leia Rolando so nervous and jittery that she's ignoring freshly made hot chocolate? Jude could very easily get far more worried about this than he is right now if he didn't know Leia as well as he does: she is NOT emotionally hurt or frustrated, so he shouldn't, and doesn't, get over-worried on her behalf. Whatever it is, it's not bringing her harm--or at least, she doesn't perceive it as a risk to herself. He could fret over that as he normally would, yes, but she IS an adult who can stand on her own, and that'd be the exact sort of nosiness that'll REALLY get her angry at him all over again. So...]

["Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

Songerein, however, already broke the definition of "impossible" on his very first day here, when he found out you could make something out of virtually nothing (Marui's dreamotion cakes, inci (or coinci)dentally). Not to mention Jude really isn't in any position to rule what's possible or impossible emotionally for Leia, in fact he highly doubts that he could do it even for his own self. He had no idea about how complex his own feelings could get prior to meeting Milla, after all, and--

--oh.

Oh.]

[Taking a quiet but deep breath, he proceeds to eye her seriously, after a decidedly pregnant silence.]

Are you happy about that, Leia?

[He can't tell what's possible or impossible, no, but what he CAN do is change his own perspective. He can tell what he SHOULDN'T say, even if he doesn't know what the exact right words ought to sound. He can also tell the details from what's truly important, after everything that's happened ever since that fateful night when he caught sight of a striking woman walking on water towards the laboratory his professor never returned from. And what's truly important in this case is only one thing, isn't it? It's been right in front of them, all along:

Leia's feeling, without doubt.]

[Leia can practically see the mental gymnastics happening in Jude's head. The second those words left her mouth, she honestly hadn't been sure he'd quite get it. But the silence is nearly unbearable, and she would've taken (almost) any stupid question rather than sitting here unsure of what he's thinking.

Part of her wonders if there was ever any chance he even harboured feelings for her, for even just a second. This would be the only opportunity she'd probably ever find out. Again, not like such a revelation would change her mind, but it'd put some more complicated feelings to rest. However, he seems more lost trying to put the puzzle pieces together about her and Marui's relationship than anything else.

Had her words been that complicated, though? More than friends means what it means, doesn't it? Jude's dense, but he must know what such feelings are like- at the very least, didn't he have them for Milla? Or maybe he's not sure what to say about her confession. Does he not like Marui? Is he wondering why she's bothered to fall for someone here, when there's more important things to do? The latter being something she's considered herself, but it's not like she planned for this to happen. Or even wanted it. It just... happened. And she got swept up in the emotions. She's still a teenager, after all.

When Jude finally speaks, it almost startles her, and for the first time in the span of these several minutes, she looks at him, slightly confused by his question.]

Huh? W-Well, yeah. I, I am. [the next words leave her mouth before she can even think.] ... How do you feel about it?

[Idolization and dependency and falling into comatose-like depression over someone else are NOT feelings belonging to any healthy or normal relationship, okay, even though admittedly, anything between a human and a spirit - nevermind the Lord of Spirits - is very much NOT normal. It only started out that way anyway, he got better he swears. His feelings for Milla are... complicated. If asked, he wouldn't say it was something that just happened to him. She was captivating from the very beginning ~~hard not to be with that sort of figure AND what she was doing~~, but there's also just... So Much More to Milla Maxwell that Jude can definitely shell out an entire thesis about the topic.

...Good thing this isn't about Milla, ahem, so back to Leia. There sure has been a lot of "looking at each other in confusion" going around today, huh,]

Then I'm glad to hear it, and I'm happy for you too.

[His answer is simple, almost innocently so, accompanied by an open and earnest smile. Leia's already been doing her own thing back home, they both decided to not stick to the medical field independently for their own reasons. Not any surprise that she's continued going her own way, she's been on her own without him knowing for 8 months too. What kind of friend would protest? Marui did seem like someone who matched Leia's wavelength from the moment Jude met him, plus Jude isn't a skeptic by nature, too trusting and everyone who knows him knows it. He's also been admittedly too busy with his research to get to know the guy better, but his impression had remained positive. So if him and Leia are "more than friends" ~~whatever that may mean~~, then of course that's fine, he'll support his childhood friend in what makes her happy and naturally wish her nothing but the best. Isn't it pretty straightforward? Makes it weird that she was so nervous, haha, what did she think he was going to say?]

[She blinks at him. Half of her is wondering if he actually understood what she really meant by more than friends, while the other half had been expecting something... more? Like questions, or some kind of reaction that might have indicated something else. It's not that she wanted to invite that level of awkwardness, but she also can't really put into words what sort of reaction she had been expecting either.

But what is slowly dawning on her is that Jude really never saw her as anything more than a good friend. Truthfully, she feels foolish that she ever thought it possible that they could be more than that. Then again, she's pretty much always known that was the case, and it had become apparent when Milla came into the picture. This merely confirmed that.]

Is... is that all?

[But she's moved on. Will Jude ever move on from Milla? Or is there a chance he won't have to? She knows Jude is practically married to his research, but when it all comes to fruition, where will he be?]

[She's... expectant, somehow.

...Or is she? The hesitation is palpable on her face and in her tone, but this isn't one of those gotcha traps she so enjoyed springing on him when they were children. She's not waiting for him to say something she already knows she can use against him. She's asking, because...

...

He nods solemnly, the smile he wore previously for her fading.]

This is just like when you told me you were going to become a reporter. You decided on what you wanted to do for yourself, back then, and that's why... I think you already know the answer now, too.

[Lifting his head, his earnest and serious gaze comes to fully meet hers.]

You can talk to me about anything, I'll always try to help you with whatever I can. But we understand how important it is to find our own path now, and no one else can walk it for us but ourselves.

[He never questioned it before when they were little, her "dream" of becoming a nurse to assist at the Matthis' clinic - just like how he never doubted the idea that he was going to take over after his parents, as if his path was set from the very beginning.

But then, they met Milla.]

So you should do what you want to do, and be with people who can truly make you happy.

[Leia moved to Elympios, just like him, but she didn't try to look into being a secretary or assistant, didn't follow him to the lab. Those boring sedentary jobs wouldn't suit her anyway, running about for the next big scoop really reflected her active and outgoing disposition far better.

That's why... I think you already know.

It's how he sees it, and also why whether or not he can reach Milla again in this lifetime isn't what matters most. What does is that he tries with everything he's got, and if he were to succeed, somehow, then he can simply think about what next, when that time actually comes. Wouldn't do anyone any good to get ahead of himself, Jude's too practical and cautious anyway to daydream ahead. It's matter of whether you do or don't, after all, and doing has him plenty occupied in the present, driving him ever forward.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

ic inbox/contact

sorry for dying i'm alive now i swear

should've stocked up on life bottles tsk tsk

you can't use them on yourself tho... 1/??

2/?

3/?

4/5

5/5...

that was a ride LOL

boys are DUMB, leia

she never had a single doubt

no subject